I got into every college I applied to. I’m feeling pretty good right now.
I fucking hate having this blog. It makes me sound really annoying and so dependent on my boyfriend. It’s just easier and faster than writing in my diary.
Yet… I’m going to talk about my boyfriend again.
To be brief: I’m afraid he’ll leave me for someone he goes to school with. I have zero interest in any other guy I know, but I don’t know how he feels. I know he loves me. I just don’t know if that’s enough to stay with me or to not let his mind wander. I think I just distrust other girls, not him. Like I have first hand experience with flirting with guys who are in relationships, and they’ve flirted back. I don’t want him to do that. But I know there’s nothing I can do. I think my biggest fear is that I’ll end up going to Emerson and he’ll be like right there but then break up with me. And then I’ll be forced to see him out with his new girlfriend while I’m alone.
Yep, that’s it.
one of my friends always complains about how she has no friends and how she wants to kill herself and how she cuts because no one wants to hang out with her. uhh… excuse me, but i do believe that those “friends” you wanna hang our with so badly are like not that great anyways, and obviously they treat you like shit. you do have friends, idiot, who would actually hang out with you, if you ever took the time to see them instead of complaining about the girls with sub-par personalities who don’t want to talk to you. . next time you ditch me to hang out with them, remember that. because i’ll probably ditch you to hang out with someone else.
tomorrow’s the breast cancer awareness day at my school. i hate when people talk about other people’s parents dying of cancer around me. they don’t know my dad has it.. and that he’s not doing well…. but i hate that when they talk of other peoples parents dying they make it gossipy and sound like they pity them. that’s why i don’t tell anyone. i feel better feeling alone in my sadness than to know people are pitying me.
i’m seeing him next saturday and i don’t know exactly how i feel. i’m SO excited.. it’s almost sad how excited i am. like i’m excited to see him and hug him and hold hands with him and laugh with him and tickle him and snuggle with him and fall asleep next to him. i’m just worried that after all this time he’ll feel differently about me. i’m afraid he’ll see that i’m actually not all that great. i’m afraid he’ll find another girl who’s funnier than me, likes better music than me, is easier than me, who’s prettier than me.
it just hurts a lot. and i’m scared.
